Archive for March, 2013

The Eligible Prospective Wants ………

Posted in Social with tags on March 24, 2013 by swatiaiyer

A young lady on a women’s site recently put up a letter they got from an eligible prospective asking the question “Would you marry this guy”?  Here is the letter:

“I want a life partner who is from a well educated, dignified, cultured, traditional and well settled family with a good background , living having own house and possess good moral values. I am looking for a girl who is Jovial, Friendly, Humorous, Generous, Confident, Honest, Humble, Loyal, Straight-forward, Stylish, Charming, Respects Elders and their Views, Loving, Understanding, Caring, Calm, Not Egoistic, Not Selfish, Not Kiddish, Not Dominating, Affectionate , Responsible, Lovable, Fair and beautiful ,broad-minded, trying her best to stay simple and who does not Nag and not to forget has cooking skills to prepare tasty delicacies and serve them daily to her partner.

I am liberal minded and not orthodox , however, i prefer the girl to follow and involve herself in religious customs and traditional practices of my family. I do not believe in fanactism and i expect the same from my partner.

My life partner should be intelligent and mature and should be able to handle all situations in life calmly and patiently. She should not be kiddish and short tempered. She should lead life in a planned and disciplined manner. She should ensure to keep herself Fit, Healthy and look Beautiful and Pretty at any time of the day, should be happy and smiling and ensure the same happiness and smile is there with her other partner and at the same time ensure to keep a positive frame of mind, instigate Confidence in herself and her partner in times of problems and be a Responsible individual knowing the practicalities of driving life and have or gain knowledge in financial planning, asset management and social security and status and have a calm and thoughtful approach in assessing and analyzing matters of any kind in any scenario and any situation and be precise and thoughtful before coming to any firm decision.
She should not have any loans of any kind payable to any financial institution towards her or her family members , relatives and friends.

She should be able to strike a balance between Personal Life and Work.
Girl must be willing to work in Govt/PSU. All form of support will be provided by me to her. I am more inclined and interested that my partner work in Govt/PSU job.”

The letter left me dazed.  The first thought that crossed my mind was “Is this guy serious?  Is he trying to find a girl or is he trying to make sure she gets so put off that she rejects him?”  The next thought was maybe he ought to be looking for a robot.  The responses from other members were pretty amusing.  Someone wondered how many women he would need to marry to find a wife with all these qualities.

The very first premise was very peculiar.  Why is he so concerned whether her family “owns” their home or lives in a rented one?  Does he plan to move in with them?  If so, why does he want her to adapt to his family’s religious practices?  And then he claims he is not fanatical about his religious practices nor should she be that way.  What if his parents insist on her following orthodox traditions?  He wants her to “respect” elder’s opinions.  He seems to contradict himself at every step.  The girl should be working in a government office or a PSU – the reasons are pretty obvious.  Then he says he will support her.  If she is all that he expects her to be, and does everything he expects her to do, why does she need his support in the first place?  And conversely, if he can support her, then why does he have so many demands of his wife?????  I would start to doubt the sanity of the man in the very first place.  I mean, I wonder if this is quite representative of the kind of demands of a typical young Indian male of today.  I doubt it, but still, I wonder.  If it is, God help the young women of today.


Does Our Culture Really Allow For Violence?

Posted in Culture, Media on March 15, 2013 by swatiaiyer

Slap! Slap!! Slap!!!  Three resounding, echoing back handed slaps across the face.  The husband slaps the wife.  The mother slaps the son.  The brother slaps the sister.  The sister slaps the brother.  The sister-in-law slaps the brother-in-law ….. and so on.  The worst of them all are scenes of the police/CID slapping criminals to make them confess.  Basically the virtuous person slaps the person “lacking in virtue or moral values” or the person who “has gone astray.  It is perfectly justified if we were to believe the innumerable soaps on television.

Everything is defined clearly in black and white.  There is no hue of grey to be seen anywhere. There is no scope for such a shade in human life.  It just cannot be allowed.

So what exactly are the censors doing?  An innocuous kiss which is an expression of love and affection is not allowed, it is something that is censored and cut off mercilessly.  It is not fit for viewing by children under a certain age.  Mind you, I am NOT saying that there should be no censorship.  But then how is that violence of this kind is considered alright for viewing by children?  What is the message being conveyed to them?  Or for that matter what is the message being conveyed to the masses whose opinions are so easily swayed by the media?  That physical violence is alright?  That it is alright to correct wrong by physical violence?  That two wrongs make a right?  That slapping a person CAN set him/her right?  That third degree torture is alright to extract confessions?  Where are concepts of human rights?

How do we expect any social changes or decrease in violence on women and children and deaths due to such events?

Is this the “Indian culture and traditions” that we wax eloquent about and shout out from the rooftops about?

A Slap In The Face Of A Woman – Did She Ask For It?

Posted in Social with tags on March 14, 2013 by swatiaiyer

We keep hearing so much about physical violence on women in and outside the house. Domestic violence is seen as a “family matter” and not many would want to step in to stop it – not even the police. Worse still we have a lot of moral police who generally feel the women “ask” for it by not being “obedient”, docile and toeing the line. The man is justified if she pushes him over the edge to lose his temper and lash out physically at her. This is the latest episode in Bangalore – one slap (and the first time, if the husband is to be believed) and the wife is dead. Both the man and the woman were “highly educated”.

Most of the comments are judgmental about the lady. In true Indian style they conclude that she wanted to distance the husband from the family and probably “asked” for this. Nobody knows what the equations between the woman and her ILs were. Nobody knows what she had to put up with. Nobody knows why she did not want the sil to come. She probably “asked” for it. The sympathies lie with the husband.

The first thing my husband, a doctor, commented was that they need to do the autopsy to find out the cause for the death – thereby implying that a mere slap might not have been the cause, there might have been some other problem which may have been aggravated by the slap. That being as it may, the question is who gave him the right in the first place to slap her? If there had any other known problem, I am sure the man would have been the first one to shout out from the rooftops and say that she already had some problem – after all there is a lot at stake as far as he is concerned. He has not done that. He has admitted that he slapped her and she fell unconscious and died. One can only imagine how hard that slap must have been.

This man was educated abroad. He has had exposure to various cultures. One would have expected him to be civilized. He had a good job in a multinational company. He had a four old son. He has deprived his own son of his mother. The child will not have his father either, since he will most likely (and hopefully) be in jail. He will most likely lose his job and find it very difficult to ever find another one which is as good. He will now have a criminal record. Was all this worth that moment of anger? Can anything bring all this back? He will have enough time now to cool his heels and head behind bars and reflect over all these points now. Having said all of which, I cannot deny, one does feel bad that a young man who had everything going for him should have come to this. No one can be happy in another’s misery.

Nothing but the severest punishment would suffice in this case if we are serious about putting an end to violence by any human being against another. It all ultimately depends on how serious our law enforcers are about it.

The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

Do you think this was his first slap? Do slaps happen without verbal and emotional abuse? Would you say a non abusive man who sees his wife as an equal partner, no matter how stressed or how angry, no matter how close to his own family, and how ‘provocative’ the wife, would slap his wife?

What are the chances that he is lying even about the cause of the fight, knowing an indication of a man’s love for his biological family could make him look like a good Indian Budhape ka Sahara? Many Indians would agree that a Shravan Kumar might use well intended abuse to control a Paraya Dhan who is trying to make him a Joru ka Gulaam?

Dharmesh told police that he was watching TV with Mahalakshmi when around 10.30pm, he got a call from his sister who told him about her plan to visit them on…

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